There are some things from childhood that stay with you long after the years have passed. Sometimes, it is not a major event that you remember most, but a familiar voice, a particular scent, or simply the feeling of having someone you love close by.
When I think about my childhood in Jamaica, one of the things I remember most is looking forward to my mother’s return.
My mother lived in New York and would return to Jamaica for periods of time, usually during the winter months. The extreme cold affected her arthritis, so she would spend approximately three to six months in Jamaica before returning to the United States to take care of her responsibilities there.
As a child, I wasn’t thinking about all the arrangements that made those visits possible. What mattered to me was that my mother was coming home.
And I looked forward to it.
It wasn’t necessarily about going places or doing anything extraordinary together. It was simply her being there.
I remember her humming, singing, praying, and telling us about her experiences. Those familiar sounds were part of having her home. I didn’t need a special occasion to enjoy her presence. There was something comforting about hearing her voice and knowing she was there.
And then there was her scent.
Her soaps and perfume carried something familiar, but to us, they also carried something different. We associated those scents with America. As we saw it, she had an American scent.
That might seem like a small detail, but it has stayed with me. Childhood memories sometimes attach themselves to the simplest things, and those things can remain vivid long after other details have faded.
I remember something else about those times. I could see a difference in my father, too. He was a hardworking man who left home early to attend to his responsibilities. But when my mother was home, he seemed to come home a little earlier in the evenings so he could spend more time with her.
I could see that he enjoyed having her home as well.
As a child, I was naturally focused on the joy of having my mother around. I wasn’t thinking about what her presence meant to my father. I simply observed the difference in his routine and enjoyed the fact that we were together.
Those visits were special, but eventually the time would come for my mother to return to New York.
I never enjoyed those moments.
When you have been looking forward to someone’s arrival, it is difficult to welcome the thought of that person leaving again. Yet I understood that she had things to take care of in the United States. For my mother to return to Jamaica again, she first had to go back and attend to those responsibilities.
I could understand that without enjoying the separation.
So life continued in that rhythm. There would be a period when she was home, followed by a period when she was away. When the time approached for her to return, I would look forward to having her with us again.
Today, I can look back on those years with a greater appreciation for those moments. My mother had responsibilities in New York, and I understood that she had to return to take care of them. But when she came home to Jamaica, I enjoyed having her with us.
I remember her humming, singing, praying, and sharing her experiences. I remember the familiar scents of her soaps and perfume, and I remember my father coming home a little earlier so he could spend more time with her. These may seem like small details, but they have stayed with me through the years.
When I think about those days now, I realize that I didn’t need anything extraordinary to happen. I simply enjoyed having my mother there. Her voice, her presence, and those familiar things that made her who she was were enough.
Sometimes, having someone home is enough.
— James Samuel Tracey
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